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Michel Martin, host of NPR’s Tell Me More, lost her brother to suicide just two weeks ago. In a story published on Monday, May 24, 2010, her pain and confusion over his death are raw, but she comes to many remarkable conclusions about her brother and suicide. Her words on whether suicide is a selfish act are beautiful:
Now, I know some people think taking your own life is a selfish act, but I cannot bring myself to see it that way. I see it as self-less, in the sense that you come to believe your self has no value; that everyone would be better off without you.
I think my brother thought he was a failure, that with his long bout of unemployment he could not live up to what was expected of him as a man, and that we'd all be better off without him.
He was so wrong.
You can read and listen to the rest of her story here: Maybe Someday Love Will Cure Despair.
If you’ve lost someone to suicide, or if you or someone you know is feeling suicidal or in crisis, CONTACT Pittsburgh is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 412-820-HELP (4357).
-Kate
Hey there! It's been a while since we posted, but we're back again with a new monthly feature, Volunteer in the Spotlight. Each month we'll post a special profile about one of our volunteers, so check back to read more about the amazing people who work on our hotline.
The business day is just about to begin and Dick has already been listening for several hours. His shift has been busy so far, and he’s answered more calls than usual. But with nearly seven years of experience on CONTACT Pittsburgh’s crisis and suicide hotline, he seems comfortable with the fast pace of this particular Tuesday morning. He acknowledges that talking with people who are in emotional distress and feeling suicidal can sound like frightening, even dramatic work, but he doesn’t feel it’s always as dramatic as it sounds, especially when it comes to talking with callers who use the hotline regularly. “Often people have more resources than they realize,” he remarked. Crisis Line Specialists are there to remind these callers of the people and activities that have helped them get through their most difficult moments in the past. “When they’re angry and upset, we’re not fixing them; we’re reducing anxiety so they can make better decisions.”
Easing the decision making process is something Dick is familiar with. He spent most of his professional career working with managers and executives to develop their leadership. As he went through training to become a Crisis Line Specialist, he noticed that Active Listening, the process by which the CLS shows respect for the caller, demonstrates interest in the problems presented, and establishes trust and rapport with the caller, was very much like the techniques he used when working with his clients. In both situations, he found that it was important to avoid jumping to conclusions and providing solutions, to treat the call like a process rather than a task, and to spend more time just listening. “[You have to] respect the knowledge of the person you’re talking to, treat them like adults, put responsibility on them to change, not on you,” he said.
When Dick’s wife joined CONTACT Pittsburgh’s Board of Directors in 2003, he had been looking for ways to volunteer his time and give back to his community. Becoming a Crisis Line Specialist for CONTACT Pittsburgh seemed like a good fit. “I was envious of people who could see that they made a difference,” he said. “In my work, you hoped you made a difference but you never knew for sure. [This has] more tangible results.”
And while his professional experience has helped him to understand and apply Active Listening when taking calls on the hotline, his motivation seems to stem from the insight he gains about his own life while listening to callers share their stories. “It’s humbling. I’ve learned to appreciate how small my own problems are. It helps me appreciate the challenges people face,” he said. “It gives me insight into people’s lives that goes beyond the superficial.”
His dedication to volunteering and his support for CONTACT’s mission has remained firm since he started on the hotline nearly seven years ago. He consistently takes four shifts a month. “Volunteer organizations depend on the volunteers and I hate to see open shifts,” Dick said. “But it’s not about being compulsive; I take my commitment [as a volunteer] very seriously.”
-Kate
